We Made Our Waiting Period Worthwhile

Back in the early 2000s, when my husband and I were still newlyweds, we met a couple who quickly became more like family than friends.

Funny enough, it all started at a mechanic workshop. My husband introduced me to a pastor he had only met briefly once before, and the way we connected instantly was almost scary 🫣

Then I found out his wife was a banker too, and I got even more excited. She worked with UBA as an auditor, while I was a cash officer at Intercontinental Bank. From the very first meeting, we just clicked.

We were of the same age range, same quiet personalities, and same season of life. And then we discovered something even deeper we had in common; we were both TTC.

We had both been married for close to two years. Both virgins when we got married... and carrying so many questions nobody really prepares you for. We were literally figuring life out side by side.

Honestly, I don't think there was any weekend after we met that we didn't spend together in one way or another. If we weren't going out as couples, we were hanging out in each other's homes.

We bonded over ministry, marriage, work, faith, and just life in general.

We would share feedback on our fertility clinic visits, pray over test results and encourage each other over expectations from extended families and in-laws.

We attended each other's church programs, celebrations, random events… even the not-so-special occasions became special because we were doing life together.

Then one day in 2005, they came to tell us their visas had been approved and they'd be relocating abroad.

My heart sank.

And please, this was 2005 o 😩 There were no smartphones! So no WhatsApp, no Instagram or Facebook and no Zoom calls. At best, we could use Yahoo Messenger or Skype. But they were not very flexible or dynamic as they required the use of a Computer. There was nothing that made staying connected easy.

And honestly, no matter how good technology gets, nothing truly replaces physical presence.

They eventually left in December 2005, and I remember feeling such an emptiness afterwards. A kind of gap that never really closed.

One thing I later realised is that this kind of friendship is hard to recreate with couples who already have children. Not because they don't care, but because their lives are completely different.

Parents plan around school runs, feeding times, homework, bedtime routines, emergency fevers, and the unexpected. Meanwhile, couples without children still have the flexibility to just "be". We could stay out late without worrying. We could gist for hours uninterrupted. No "please let me check on the kids first." No sudden rush home because Junior fell or Ayo has a fever.

And that's why I always say this. One of the best people to journey with while TTC is another TTC couple who shares your values. Or a couple who has been there.

There's something comforting about being with people who truly understand your emotions without needing too many explanations. People who remind you that life can still be beautiful, fulfilling, and joyful even in the waiting season.

One thing I learned during that waiting season is that you cannot put your entire life on hold because of the one thing you are praying for.

Yes, the desire was there and the waiting was hard. However, it was important not to shut out every other beautiful thing happening around us while focusing only on what was yet to come.

We learned to enjoy where we were. To celebrate other victories, and to find joy in the areas of our lives that were flourishing!

The truth is, constantly surrounding yourself with people or environments that magnify your "lack" can leave you feeling inadequate, anxious, sad, and even depressed. Sometimes, they may not mean any harm, but the constant reminders can quietly drain your joy.

What my friend and I did instead was build a friendship rooted in life, faith, growth, and joy. We intentionally engaged in soul-lifting and spirit-empowering activities. We also played hard, laughed a lot and talked endlessly. We strengthened our marriages and served joyfully in ministry.

We created sweet memories. We lived!!

While doing all that, we were unknowingly preparing for the motherhood we believed would eventually come.

Looking back now, TTC was not just a season of waiting for us, it was also a season of deep friendship, marital bonding, growth, and beautiful memories. And guess what? We genuinely had fun while doing all that.

In retrospect, I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

Thank God for the wait. Thank God for the memories. Thank God for the friendships. Thank God for the beautiful moments hidden inside what once felt like a delay.

Today, by God's grace, we both have children of our own, but sometimes, I still catch myself reliving those beautiful memories.

Now we're separated by an ocean, the demands of ministry, marriage, parenting, and life itself.

Yes, I truly miss what we once had 🤍