The Little Moments That Count

I think back to my growing-up years and remember those formal, awkward, and rather intimidating moments when your parents (usually your father) would sit you down and ask, "What do you want to do in life?"

For many of us, those conversations happened around the time we were preparing for our final secondary school examinations or getting ready for university entrance. Some parents had them much earlier, but that did little to reduce the anxiety that accompanied them.

Suddenly, you were expected to have answers about your future. You were expected to know who you wanted to become, what career path you wanted to pursue, and what direction your life should take.

Looking back now, I have come to realise that those conversations would often go much better if they were not treated as isolated events.

The "What do you want to be in life?" conversation will go much better if parents pay attention to the little dreams children share while those dreams are still small.

Everyone dreams, even babies. As children grow into toddlers and then adolescents, those dreams become more vivid, more meaningful to them, and they become more willing to talk about them.

Sometimes those dreams may sound unrealistic or even silly to you:

"I want to be a fairy, Daddy."

"I'm going to be a firefighter and make sure no house ever burns down again."

"Mum, when I grow up, I'll be a writer. I'll write lots of books and make lots and lots of money."

To an adult, these may sound like childish fantasies. But to a child, they are important. Very important.

The way you respond to these little dreams today will determine how much they trust you with their bigger dreams tomorrow.

So don't be quick to shut them up when they talk. Don't be too busy to listen. Create enough room for them to speak freely while you listen, engage, and cheer them on.

Sometimes, ask them why they have chosen a particular path. Make a conversation out of it; ask them relevant questions along those lines, and then listen carefully to their answers.

Not only will this show them that you genuinely value their thoughts, opinions, and dreams, but it will also help you understand them better. Over time, these conversations become the building blocks of a stronger bond between parent and child.

And if it becomes clear that they are embracing a dream or aspiration that could lead them down the wrong path, gently guide them.

"Sweetie, do you know what gangsters do?"

Listen to their response, and then help them understand why that path is not a good one. Teach them, reason with them and help them see things from a healthier perspective.

However, do not shout them down or belittle their choices. They are children and are still learning. They are impressionable, curious, and trying to make sense of the world around them. So, correct when necessary, but do so with love.

Teach more than you scold.

Guide more than you condemn.

Affirm more than you criticise.

Before that big day when you sit them down and ask, "What do you want to do with your life?" make sure you have not ignored the countless unscheduled moments when they talked endlessly about it.

Those seemingly ordinary conversations are where trust is built.

When children learn that their small dreams are heard, valued, and respected, they become more willing to share the deeper things that matter most.

Listen carefully when the dreams are little. One day, when the dreams become bigger, they will know exactly who to bring them to.