Take Off The Masks

One of the things that eats away at the sacred fabric of marriage like termites is a lack of transparency.

It rarely causes damage overnight. Instead, it works quietly beneath the surface, slowly eating away at the very foundation of trust upon which every healthy relationship should be built. By the time the cracks become visible, the damage has often been happening for far longer than anyone realized.

That's the dangerous thing about termites. They don't announce their presence, but rather, they work in silence. From the outside, everything can look perfectly fine, while underneath, the structure is becoming weaker by the day.

A lack of transparency works the same way.

Many relationships don't fall apart because of one major event. They are more often weakened by little secrets, half-truths, hidden habits, and conversations that never happened. One person keeps saying, "This isn't important enough to mention," while the other continues believing everything is fine. Before long, what was once a strong relationship begins to lose the trust that held it together.

As Christians, we often talk about building our marriages on love, prayer, and faith, and rightly so. But we must also remember that trust is one of the pillars that supports those values. Trust cannot exist where there is no transparency. This is why transparency should never begin at the altar. It should begin in courtship.

Courtship is more than preparing for a wedding. It is preparing for a lifetime together. It is the season where two people prayerfully discern whether they can truly become one. That kind of discernment requires honesty.

Not the kind of honesty that seeks to impress, but the kind that is willing to be known.

The Bible says in 1 John 1:7, "But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another."

Walking in the light means choosing openness over secrecy. It means allowing the other person to know who you really are instead of carefully managing the version of yourself you want them to see.

Real transparency sounds like asking and answering difficult questions. Questions like:

What are your convictions?

How do you handle money?

What are your expectations for marriage?

What struggles are you trusting God to help you overcome?

What lessons has your past taught you?

These conversations may feel uncomfortable in the moment, but they build something invaluable, trust. Trust isn't built by surprise, but by consistency, honesty, and the courage to live in the light.

When you make transparency a habit in courtship, it becomes a strength in marriage. Couples communicate more freely, resolve conflicts more maturely, and create an atmosphere where both people feel safe to be vulnerable. They don't have to wonder what's being hidden because openness has become part of the culture of their relationship.

Sadly, the opposite is just as true.

When transparency is missing, suspicion often takes its place. Hidden debts, secret pains or addictions, emotional affairs, concealed relationships, or even unspoken expectations can shatter years of trust in a single moment. The issue is often not just about what was hidden, but the realization that a supposed better half chose secrecy over honesty.

Once trust is broken, rebuilding it can be really difficult. It takes humility, repentance, patience, and the grace of God.

A healthy marriage isn't one where two perfect people never make mistakes. It is one where two imperfect people deliberately and consistently choose to live truthfully, humbly, and honestly.

If you're in courtship today, don't spend all your energy trying to be impressive. Spend more time being transparent. A wedding may begin a marriage, but transparency is one of the values that helps sustain it.