Let the Children Come 2

We began discussing this topic in the last session, and I believe there is more to be said on the issue.

If we're to be honest, we would realise that creating a safe space for our children is less about doing more and more, and more about doing some things differently. It would mean that we become more intentional, more consistent, and even more humble.

One gnawing gap is how adults respond to this issue. Many parents say they want honesty from their children; but often react with anger, panic, or punishment when a child actually opens up, especially if what is being revealed is uncomfortable.

So, over time, children learn that it's much safer to keep quiet than to speak up.

What parents and guardians need to improve on first and foremost is their emotional control. They need to learn to respond first with calm, then with guidance.

Another area where improvement is needed is in truly listening. They need to not just listen, but truly hear the heart of their children.

Oftentimes, children get interrupted, corrected, or dismissed mid-sentence by their parents. That sends a subtle message that their voice doesn't carry weight; that their thoughts or feelings don't matter.

What should parents do while their children speak? Slow down. Make eye contact. Let them finish.

These small shifts matter more than big lectures and speeches.

There's also the need to respect children as individuals. In many homes, children are expected to obey and not express themselves. Safety, however, grows where there is mutual respect. When children feel their thoughts and feelings are taken seriously, they're more likely to speak up again.

Consistency is another weak spot for many parents. If a parent is approachable one day and explosive the next, a child won't risk opening up. Emotional safety isn't built on occasional kindness.

It is built on predictability.

Also, many adults need to get better at apologising. African parents especially think apologising to their children when they are wrong is a show of weakness. That's wrong. The ability to apologise when in the wrong is a strength.

When parents can admit, "I overreacted" or "I should have listened better," it teaches children that relationships can be repaired. It teaches them that people can disagree and still be on good terms. It teaches them that speaking up won't destroy the connection; but rather strengthen it.

Finally, there's the need for parents to intentionally create opportunities for conversation. Not every child will open up randomly. Some need gentle check-ins, shared activities, or quiet moments where they feel less pressure. This is especially important when you haven't always been a listening parent and are working to change.

At the core of all this is one question every parent should reflect on:

"If my child had something really difficult to say or share; would I be the safest person they could come to?"

"Or would they see me as the last person to come to?"

That answer often reveals exactly what needs to change.

What's one thing you've seen adults do that either shuts children down; or helps them open up? Share in the comments below.