Let the Children Come

One of the things I have noticed in my years of being a children's teacher and pastor is the vast number of children who aren't comfortable being vulnerable with their parents or guardians.

They don't feel safe enough to do that.

It always breaks my heart whenever this scenario plays out.

This is one of the reasons they are easily taken advantage of; as they exclude the very people who should look out for them from their affairs.

Many children are not silent because they have nothing to say. They're silent because it doesn't feel safe to say it.

There is the fear of being hastily dismissed, or simply the belief that they won't be understood even if they are given an audience.

Sometimes, it's the memory etched deeply in their subconscious of being shouted down.

And these aren't just assumptions; but experiences that have shaped their automatic responses to their parents and guardians.

When we talk about a "safe space" we aren't just trying out a cliché. It isn't just a phrase.

A safe place is something that is felt, not announced.

So what does it actually look like?

• Listening fully - so you can truly hear them, and not just waiting to respond.
• Choosing understanding over judgment - even when what they share is uncomfortable.
• Responding calmly - and not in anger.
• Showing up consistently - not just occasionally.
• Building trust slowly, but intentionally - this is not a sprint, but a marathon. Endurance over a long distance.

You see, safety isn't built in a hurry nor is it built in extraordinary events. It is built in the small everyday moments:

• Like the way you react when they make a mistake.
• The way you respond when they tell you something uncomfortable.
• The way you handle their perceived realities, even when it's hard to hear.
• How you make them feel simply by being with you.

Even your body language speaks volumes.

When children feel safe with you, you won't need to prod them to get them to share what's on their minds. They have so much to say; and they will open up when they feel safe.

It is when they open up and a true connection is built, that protection and guidance can truly begin.

So, what do you think? Tell us your thoughts.

What do you think parents and guardians need to do to be better?